The Pursuit

I am almost 30 years old now.   Before, I have been making bad choices in my life that has difficult consequences.  I have been struggling to find my own pace.  Happiness and contentment are something that we are trying to achieve since we walk this earth. Most of us know that it is very difficult and confusing to achieve it. To understand the meaning of it you must know yourself first and ask, what do I really want, what is my passion and what makes me happy?  These questions are very simple but the answers are somehow confusing and it makes someone walk through deep deep shit just to answer it. Some people we envy just because they were born with the something that most of us has just dream about. Some of us are born with none. I’ve heard some people saying we are born with happiness and it is just our lifestyle and standards that make it go away. It is correct actually.  But it has some deep explaining. Contentment is related with happiness. When you are happy It means you are content with your life.

As I was saying, choices, we make our own choices. How in the world would a choice matter with your destiny. It has an arguement since ages, same as the argument between who is first chicken or egg. The choices we make matters in our life. Some bad and some good it has consequences and results. We would have wished that all choices are right. But we all make both.

The first big life choice that I made was studies. What would I want to be when I grow up?  I wanted to be a scientist. I wanted to invent things that would change the world. Ok, I didn’t become a scientist. Then  last I wanted to be a soldier or a pilot. This is because I have a passion about war and kicking some butt. I read a lot about world war 2. Well that is my passion until now. So I didn’t become a pilot because it is damn expensive to study it. And that time we are just making our ends meet. I didn’t become a soldier too, just because my mom wants me to grow old and she don’t like to bring flowers to my grave. I told her I am damn too good to be killed. Maybe because I have the dream to be a Rambo someday or just to be like my  hero , Leo Major. (Read about him.) So it came to the point that I have to make a choice. I just graduated high school. All my buddies know what they want to take up. Me, I was so confused. How in the world would I be a scientist or a pilot. So my life choice, I took hotel and restaurant management. I just figured out that I wanted to work on leisure serving people or opening up my own business. I was wrong!! I didn’t end up like that, way far.  I figured out that I don’t like serving other people because it sucked. Treating you like shit and stuff. Asking you to get their fork or a napkin or something like that. So here I am having a degree on how to serve people that I didn’t like. So that was a wrong move for me. Taking a degree that I don’t like, what the hell was I thinking. It still affects me now 14 years later. I should have just taken an engineering degree. I wouldn’t have thought about that because I really suck in math. Or maybe an acting lesson. Who knows?  

   I will continue this on my other posts. I do not want to write a book. Just want to share it. So to be continued.

I never regret my choices. I would just think that I know when I made the choice that it was the right thing.  Otherwise I would have ended up different if I have chosen the other choice. I wouldn’t be even here. I would like to think on a positive way. Some people take it negatively which is also a choice and may end them up in a negative way too. I even told somebody that for all the wrong things that I have done you are the most right. I don’t know  if it means the one that I am thinking. But it sounds crazy.   But truth is I am happy, I am contented with my life. Thanks to all things that I have done and to the choices I have made.